Dangerous Garden Advice Ahead cover

Dangerous Garden Advice Ahead

By


“Over promise and under deliver”
“Measure once and cut twice”
“Fool me once, shame on … actually, let’s fast forward to the fool me twice part.”
Mantras I live by, albeit unintentionally, in life and in the garden.
I’m not proud but I own it. My therapist would be proud.


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Dangerous Garden Advice Ahead

Fool Me Once...

“Over promise and under deliver”

“Measure once and cut twice”

“Fool me once, shame on … actually, let’s fast forward to the fool me twice part.”

Mantras I live by, albeit unintentionally, in life and in the garden.

I’m not proud but I own it. My therapist would be proud.

Not Happening

Not Happening

Shutterstock

What I Won’t Do

With that in mind, here are six things I won’t be doing in the garden this season.

I’m sure you’re sick of all those positive blog posts encouraging you with ways to make your garden shine. You want justification to be lazy and skimp on all that work. I get that and that is what I am here to do for you today.

So with that in mind, my goal in sharing these shortcomings with you is that you’ll either:

a. Do the opposite in order to not be like this lazy and uninformed gardener

or

b. Feel just as comfortable as I do in ignoring them as I’ll share my twisted justification with you.

Here we go:

1) Get a soil test

Every year I say I am going to do it and every year I forget about it amid the excitement and pressure to add more plants to my garden in spring. Call it lazy or call it having one’s priorities messed up, it simply doesn’t happen.

While I get the benefits of understanding my soil and all that it is comprised of and what it is lacking, I’m to the point now where I know what plants I can stick in the ground and feel confident that they’ll survive in their new surroundings.

On Their Own

On Their Own

Number 2

Fertilize

No chemicals for this guy, as I’m talking about natural options. I’ve read up on what works best for what plant and I’ll even go as far as purchasing the supplements, but that is where it ends.

Maybe it is due to the fact that I have a “survival of the fittest” mentality when it comes to my garden; if you don’t like my clay soil and poor drainage and deer, f you, I know many others who do and they never complain.

Or I could just be plain lazy (sensing a trend here?).

Number 3

Careful planning before planting

I could barely type this due to my howling laughter. L O frickin L.

Planning is boring, true gardeners buy what they like and ask questions later. Some of my greatest plant combos/vignettes were created by accident.

The few times where I actually developed a well thought out plan, it bombed terribly and I ended up starting over.

Happy Accident

Happy Accident

Number 4

Always properly space your plants

If you have “Plant Location ADD” like me, this doesn’t matter. No plant gets a chance to reach its full size before I relocate it.

So I say stuff those plants as close together as you can and enjoy the lack of bare earth.

If you are a patient gardener, my hat is off to you but just know we can never be friends.

Number 5

Do not plant or transplant on hot sunny days

I’ll do it when I want to and nobody can stop me. Plus all of my best design ideas occur in summer when all plants have emerged and are thriving. That is when we have the best view and perspective. And I sure ain’t waiting until fall to realize those ideas.

If we continue to make it so easy and coddle our plants, how are they going to survive when times really get tough? Teach them young that it life is tough and they will thank you later. Give them some water and they’ll find a way to make it through.

Here’s The Faucet

Here’s The Faucet

Shutterstock

Number 6

Stop and smell the roses:

a. I don’t grow roses – thanks soil and thanks deer

b. Who’s got time to actually enjoy the garden when there is work to do.

c. Damn kids and their activities getting in the way

d. I’ll enjoy it tomorrow … after I divide this grass … and extend this bed … and divide these irises.

e. I have a deviated septum and have virtually no sense of smell